Welcome to the Real World

Welcome to the Real World

For new graduates, a cram course of advice from the school of hard knocks

[By Wes Smith - Ballantine Books]

Congratulations, graduates. Welcome to the Real World, where there isn't any summer vacation and Christmas holidays start on the night of December 24 and end shortly after the wrapping paper comes off.

It is a painful course that you are about to take. The lessons come unannounced. But to aid you upon your entry to the Real World, a few of your predecessors have compiled some sage advice. Heed the following words well. They will do you much more good than all your homework.

IN THE REAL WORLD:

Never answer an advertisement seeking a "liberal room-mate." You probably are not that liberal.

Having a drink out with the boys every night after work is a bad idea. Notice that the boss doesn't do it. That is why he's the boss and they're the boys.

Instead of buying a new stereo for your car, skip a step. Buy a window sticker that says, "It's already been stolen."

Buy an alarm clock that works.

They aren't kidding when they say, "Wash whites separately."

Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are she believes it.

Never date a man who goes shopping with his mother.

Life insurance is best for married people; otherwise, the chief beneficiary is the life-insurance company.

Eat good meals. Greasy snacks take their toll.

If you don't like your job, quit. Otherwise, shut up.

If you get invited to a wedding, send a gift. Otherwise, do not expect a crowd when your turn comes.

There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven.

Be nice to ordinary people. You're still one of them.

Never date someone you work with. Especially the boss.

Young women, just because a man looks like your father doesn't mean he thinks of you as a daughter. Young men, learn which finger gets the wedding ring.

No one sells a car because it runs too well.

At some point in your life, your family will be all you have. Treat them right.

Decide now what you want on your tombstone: "He had a job that paid well but he hated it" or "He enjoyed his work."

Never get married simply because you think it is time to get married. Get married because you want to live with someone for the rest of your life, including weekends and holidays.

Everyone is lonely at times. Learning to deal with it is part of growing up.

The only thing worse than asking people how much money they make is telling them how much you make.

Dirty laundry never goes away.

Never trust a landlord to make improvements after you have moved in.

If you make a mess of things, admit it.

Hurry up and learn patience.

Welcome to the Real World
For new graduates, a cram course of advice from the school of hard knocks

[By Wes Smith - Ballantine Books]
Congratulations, graduates. Welcome to the Real World, where there isn't any summer vacation and Christmas holidays start on the night of December 24 and end shortly after the wrapping paper comes off. It is a painful course that you are about to take. The lessons come unannounced. But to aid you upon your entry to the Real World, a few of your predecessors have compiled some sage advice. Heed the following words well. They will do you much more good than all your homework. IN THE REAL WORLD: Never answer an advertisement seeking a "liberal room-mate." You probably are not that liberal. Having a drink out with the boys every night after work is a bad idea. Notice that the boss doesn't do it. That is why he's the boss and they're the boys. Instead of buying a new stereo for your car, skip a step. Buy a window sticker that says, "It's already been stolen." Buy an alarm clock that works. They aren't kidding when they say, "Wash whites separately." Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are she believes it. Never date a man who goes shopping with his mother. Life insurance is best for married people; otherwise, the chief beneficiary is the life-insurance company. Eat good meals. Greasy snacks take their toll. If you don't like your job, quit. Otherwise, shut up. If you get invited to a wedding, send a gift. Otherwise, do not expect a crowd when your turn comes. There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven. Be nice to ordinary people. You're still one of them. Never date someone you work with. Especially the boss. Young women, just because a man looks like your father doesn't mean he thinks of you as a daughter. Young men, learn which finger gets the wedding ring. No one sells a car because it runs too well. At some point in your life, your family will be all you have. Treat them right. Decide now what you want on your tombstone: "He had a job that paid well but he hated it" or "He enjoyed his work." Never get married simply because you think it is time to get married. Get married because you want to live with someone for the rest of your life, including weekends and holidays. Everyone is lonely at times. Learning to deal with it is part of growing up. The only thing worse than asking people how much money they make is telling them how much you make. Dirty laundry never goes away. Never trust a landlord to make improvements after you have moved in. If you make a mess of things, admit it. Hurry up and learn patience.